I was asked,
"How do you find the balance between the drastic diversity of your life. From the stage to dirt floors, how does it add up?" • Real talks -I have never opened up about this• Its something I will never get used to & still battle with. I do believe that God has given me a platform to use. It requires a lot of emotional maturity to be relatable, understanding of what is really important & find the balance of reality. Seeing a little girls face light up over a bowl filled with a hot meal versus seeing friends spend a couple grand on a pair of designer shoes, or drop a couple grand just on one night out on the town... This was very hard for me to deal with. Those shoes could provide 200,000 meals. That table could provide a teachers salary for a year & the assurance a child would not go to bed hungry. I dealt with a lot of guilt. I had designer bags & shoes. I dealt with a lot of emotional turmoil & sleepless nights. I distanced myself and became reclusive; mostly because I didn't know how to deal with my emotions & lack of coping with others lack of understanding... Or even my own understanding. How. Why. I had to remember, most people haven't seen, smelled, touched, stood or experienced what I had. It wasn't their fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It is just how things are. We are a product of or environments. For myself, what was I saying for my image by being on stage, fancy gowns & expensive jewelry. How could people take me seriously. Was I being a hypocrite? I felt like I was living a double life. I did a lot of soul searching. For myself, I had to realize that God has given me a very blessed and fortunate life. It is up to me on how I choose to use it. I realized there is nothing wrong with having nice things & being a part of something like pageantry. Why, because I enjoy it! God doesn't want us to sit in depression, separate ourselves from fun active passions and feel guilty because of the blessing he has given us. No, he has blessed us to use the opportunities to help others. Make a difference. Change lives. Rock nice things, but remember to stay humble & use the platform or blessings God gave you to give back!
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